jenessaleigh

I wish....

2010-03-07T16:40:00.000-08:00

I wish I could tell you how I really felt.

I've been hiding the things that make me happy

The inability to tell you what's making me sad.

I wish I could tell you the truth.

But i've separated it all.

You'll only get pieces that don't

go together.

Not a web of lies but a lack of truth.

I wish my world didn't feel like it's spiraling out of control.

I know what's right

and i know it's wrong

I wish I would open up and tell you how i really felt.

I'd Rather Not

2010-03-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

Emily is talking as I’m looking across the room at the magnets on her refrigerator. There was one of The Statue of David that I had earlier covered part of his nakedness with another magnet of the Eiffel Tower. I look back at Emily and as she stares at me with a frustrated look. It was my turn to respond to what she had said yet she knew I did not hear a word.

I used to be a good friend but things changed over the years. I would listen so intently holding on to every word and now I can’t concentrate on more then a few sentences. My mind begins to wander and the truth is I’d rather not listen. Some how the social part of me has deteriorated. I look up and apologize as she begins to repeat herself. I begin to listen as she talks about how wild her and this guy are for each other. I felt the urge to leave and wanted to be alone as my mind begins to wander once more.

I had moved to Utah when I was ten and didn’t befriend Emily until I was 14 just a few months before I moved away to Oregon. I remembered my best friend before Emily, her name was Kat and how much fun we had together up until middle school. Kat had changed as if she was brain washed to be the perfect yet self-righteous Mormon she is today. I didn’t realize it at the time but thinking about it now Kat’s behavior changed me and my attitude towards our religion.

Kat couldn’t think for herself, she took every word her parents spoke as an unquestionable law. She frowned upon me for watching the Simpsons, for owning a skateboard, and for dying my hair every possible color I could think of. Kat would get grounded from me because her parents thought I was a “bad example”. This opened my eyes to the hypocrisy of religion in general.

As Emily continued talking I smiled and nodded I was unsure of what she was saying so I asked if she wanted to watch a movie knowing she would fall asleep and I could slip away without having to say a word. As I was gathering my stuff to head home I found a blanket to put over Emily, it was the very least I could do for all of my recent neglect.

The air was cold as I walked out Emily’s front door. I could see my breath travel through the air. My car hesitated when I turned the key. It took a moment for the air to warm up and defrost the windshield. Before heading to my family’s condo, where I was staying before heading back to school, I decided to drive past my old house the house where my family had lived for four years, years ago.

The house looked unfamiliar and empty. It’s unique looking house with steep roofs and stonewalls. There was a tiny stain glassed window with a “g” in it. We used to say it was for my dad whose name is Gary but it was really for Gledhill the last name of the man who built the house. I felt nothing when I looked at this house, yet always going out of my way to drive past it. I thought of our home we once lived in Oregon and the house my family currently lives in located in Louisiana.

Oregon was by far my favorite place we lived in. It was gorgeous, green everywhere, clear blue summer sky, fresh air, lots of liberals and hippies, which was a nice change from conservative Mormons in Utah. We were always outside riding bikes or long boarding, taking pictures, sneaking out, burning pizzas, and stargazing all night. It was the first time in my life I felt like I was home and I wanted to stay forever. It wasn’t even two years when I moved to Louisiana.

I was sixteen and had to attend a private school. I was so depressed it physically hurt to get out of bed in the mornings; I always had headaches and moving felt like a chore. I had no friends, nothing to look forward to. I stopped going to school and would sit in our church parking lot for hours. Sometimes I would go to Barnes and Nobles but always paranoid my mom would see her car and catch me skipping class. I'd rather not go to school and I'd rather not get caught.

I put my car in drive and slowly moved forward in the once familiar neighborhood. It was only minutes before I got to my family’s condo. All the lights were off, as I unlocked and kicked opened the door. It was silent and empty as I turned on hall light and walked down stairs. It was cold since the heater had been off and when I turned it on it smelled like it hadn’t been on in a while. I changed into my pajamas and got into my bed leaving the hall lights on. It was slightly unsettling being there alone.

The bed was cold so I wrapped myself tightly in my blanket. My mind began to wind down when I thought about the day my dad took me to lunch. I told him I wanted to live with my cousin had his family in Nebraska. He had my call them up on the spot. I left the day after I turned 17 and I was terrified.

(missing paragraphs)

In the morning I made my bed, gathered my folded laundry, and cleaned the condo leaving no

trace of me ever being there. I locked the door and packed my car and headed back to

Ephraim. I stopped to get some food on the way. When I returned to dorm I quickly put my

laundry away and sat at my bed starring at the homework I needed to do. Someone knocked on

my door and as always I pretend I’m not there. I’d rather not

I got my own little watercolor kit

2009-10-18T20:24:00.001-07:00

So... i went to provo this weekend. Marina met me at Roberts.

I got a few brushes, watercolor paper, and of course my very own watercolors.

I've just been playing with them and here are my doodles

I still suck but i'm learning

2009-10-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

This is the original... i haven't colored it yet.

(it's the right kind of paper not computer like the others)

Marina drew this and i colored it. :)

(i think it looks like her boyfriend)

Marina is my Hero!

2009-10-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

Marina Collings lives right down the hall! just a few doors away from mine. She is fantastic! She is talented beyond belief! You should go check out her blog and you'll know what i mean!

(when i grow up i want to be just like her)

http://i-tape-it.blogspot.com/

This was us watching the blood drive a few weeks ago :) SOOO ENTERTAINING!

This is my old dorm room in anderson hall.... when i finally got my computer working. Look how adorable marina is!! She always looks perfect!

Well yesterday we decided to water color. I'm soo addicted to it. Marina drew me the cutest picture titled "Jenessa and the Wild cat" it was soo pretty and i really haven't water colored ever so i went and scanned it only about a billion times and have been practicing on computer paper before i ruin... i mean paint the original :)

here are were my practice ones.

This is the 4th practice water color I've done.

3rd practice

2nd practice

This was my first attempt. i had no idea what i was doing.... it looks awful but i love it!

I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT A PERFECTIONIST

but i do love purple

The Kitten

2009-10-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Marina, Julia, Nick, and myself had just finished moving all of my stuff from Anderson Hall to Nuttall hall. I've been having a hard time sleeping in Anderson because of the noise (i'm a light sleeper) It had taking three trips with my car stuffed with the odd ends of my collection of stuff.

My room was a disaster but my stomach was growling after the work out so I demanded we go to the cafeteria for pizza. Of course when we got to the cafeteria they had stopped serving pizza and was only serving the all you can eat crap which i rather starve then eat (i'm picky). SOO we started to head back and decided we would make fish sticks at marina's cooking dorm which i am not so lucky to have.

We started walking through a parking lot and heard a frantic meow. We stopped. We looked in the car. Nothing. We looked under the car. Nothing. We looked around the car. NOTHING! The cat was in the cars engine. (or around that area i don't know cars) We desperately tried to get the cat out from julia's meow and her trying to get under the car to see it while Marina called are boyfriend to better understand where the cat was most likely in the car and how to get it out.

After about 10 minutes we discovered the cars door was unlocked....

We popped the hood...

There indeed was a little baby ginger kitten as cute as can be.

And as we tried to pull the him out... he went under all the wires and mechanical parts and could not be seen again.

We sat there with the hood of this random car open deciding what to do.

Maybe we should close the hood so when the owners come they don't think we're messing with her car. So we closed the hood. Julia offered to stay and wait for the owners while the rest of us went back to eat. (i was starving!) Marina said She wasn't going to leave either.

After about a total of 3o minutes. We decided it was best to leave a not stating there was a cat in their engine and they should not start the car until they knew the cat was out safely. It was a cute cat... and i don't even like cats.

sooo we went back and ate fish sticks and bagel bites

and then i went and put my new room at nuttall together.

Frozen!!

2009-10-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

I went home to good old Baton Rouge, Louisiana this weekend. Compared to Ephraims temperatures it was HOT HOT HOT! I had lots of fun shopping and eating out with my mom. We saw two movies, Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs and All about Steve (which i loved). My 7 yr old brother was cracking us up the hole time. He was soo sweet to me and told me he wished I could stay forever and attempted to cut me some apples to make me feel better when I had a headache.

When I got back to Utah it was FREEZING!!! I'm thinking it was around 40 degrees compared to the 100 degrees it is right now back in the south. I was trying to take a nap in my bed but my body temperature wasn't warming it up so I resorted to my laptops battery which was pretty warm and my hair drier. :)

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

2009-09-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

Just got this book from the library.

I've been wanting to read it for a while now. I've heard it's amazing.

I read the first three chapters last night and I'm not impressed.

I'm hoping it gets better.

ZOMBIES

How totally awesome is that?

The same love story but this time elizabeth is kicking zombie butt the whole time.

oh yeah

favorite part yet.

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read."

This totally cracked me up! It's on the back of the book.

friendship

2009-09-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

When I'm friends with someone I don't think it's unreasonable to hold certain expectations to that person.

What do you think of when you think of friend?

Or just a genuinely nice person...

Someone that will listen to you when you have something to say. Right. Especially when it's like two sentences like "Hey, guess what I finally got that book we were talking about last week and I'm totally excited to read it." Instead of being blown off.

Saying "Hi." when you see that person.

Texting back?

Being Nice?

I don't know.. I think it's common sense stuff.

I'm not going to lie. Lately I'm sick of people being rude. I don't want to be around the people that live in my dorm anymore. They're totally awesome people! I just don't want to be friends with them.

I am so tired of people walking all over me. I rather have no friends then have friends that make me feel unimportant.

It's not like I want to be the center of attention. I understand people are busy.

BUT COME ON!!!

At least, try to be the friend you want to have.

I know I'm not perfect!

I have many, many, many things to work on.

but it would be a lot easier to work on myself then always worrying that I'm getting on your oh soo sensitive nerves.

Get over it.

don't let such little things get to you.

and when I feel like you're being an ass

I'm just going to walk away.

I'M NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH IT!

AND IT FEELS GREAT!

Girls Are Crazy! Guys Are Stupid!

2009-09-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

I don't even know where to begin...

I think I may be a little too bitter to write about this at the moment...

CAUTION TO WEARING YELLOW.

2009-09-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

There isn't a lot to do in Ephraim. Well, there is... you just have to look for it.

Our school was having a blood-drive.

I would have never guessed how entertaining this would be.

A few people and myself sat upstairs with popcorn and other snacks watching the donors below.

Of course I gave blood and almost fell out of my seat when I saw the needle.

(not going into my arm but getting pulled out of someone else's a FEW seats away)

But it made me feel much better watching all the girls in yellow shirts get sick and/or black out.

A few tough looking guys got sick. A few people like myself almost fell out of their seat.

(those seats are tricky)

But always yellow shirts!!!

SOOO if you ever decided to give blood.... DON'T WEAR YELLOW ;)

That 70's Show

2009-07-07T20:47:00.001-07:00

So it's 9:47 on a tuesday. I haven't done anything all day... i left the house once to bring sammy to the car. i can't find my camera. i can't wait to go home and pack and leave.

PIG TEST

2009-07-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

Follow instructions.

1. Read down the list of words out loud and say the word pig before every word.

2. Read down the list of words out loud and say the word pig after every word.

3. Read down the list of words out loud and say the word pig before and after every word.

4. Read down the the list of words out loud.

5. Read UP the list of words starting with Look.

PIGS

ABOUT

TALKING

IDIOT

THIS

GOT

LONG

HOW

LOOK

Torrey

2009-07-02T16:22:00.001-07:00

I think Lindsey and Mikauli need to get off the computer. It needs to stop raining because I want to go 4 wheeling and everyone needs to stay home and not come up because I enjoy it not be over crowded.